This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated.
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger
“Facing Your Own Sentence: Where do you begin?”
I felt shock and disbelief. Then confusion, then fury, then sadness.
When you first found out that your loved one was going to jail or prison, it may have been totally unexpected. The offense may have been out of character for him or her. It may have been a crime of passion, a moment of weakness. You may have expected throughout the hearing and trial proceedings that your loved one would be acquitted. Then the unthinkable happened and your loved one was sentenced to incarceration.
For others of you, incarceration wasn’t as much of a surprise. Whether your loved one has had a history of offenses and brushes with the law, his or her temper has caused other problems, or mental illness, drug abuse or other issues are at play, you may have “seen it coming.” Maybe your loved one took a plea bargain, and prison time was inevitable.
However it hit you, by surprise or presumed, your emotions may run the gamut. You may feel shocked, angered, disgusted. You may feel guilt of your own, whether real or imagined. You may feel like your world is ending. You may also feel relief. You may be grateful that at least your loved one will no longer be able to hurt others or him or herself.
Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling without judgment. No emotion is right or wrong. It is your honest response to the situation before you.
Reflections From Those Who Know…
I was in shock they took him at court that day. I thought my world ended and that I would never be able to laugh again.
At first I thought, “It is such a long time. How are we going to get through it?” But I had to be strong for my husband and I now realized he was being strong for me.
Our life is over as we know it.
Never in a million years did I think that my son was capable of murder.
I was fearful and sad – fearful for his future, sad for him and our family.
What did we do wrong as parents? We felt responsible for our son’s actions.
Thank God! Drugs would have killed him.
I was sick! It is so very hard to want to save your child because you know he is good – and they only see the mistake.
I was relieved because I knew she wouldn’t be able to do drugs while there and hopefully it would serve as a wake-up call.
I was concerned about violence in jail.
He should’ve been on medication.
I felt forsaken at first, was even mad at God. It took weeks of prayer and Word before I came out of it.
For a parent, to have your child in there, it is a tremendous sadness. You can’t see them. You don’t get to talk to them.
Disbelief. Denial. Hopelessness. Numbness. Overall shock. When these feelings subsided, I reacted positively and helped prepare him in every way I could. (i.e. speaking to legal counsel, helping family cope, taking him to support groups prior to incarceration.)
I didn’t want her to be a danger to others or herself, so I was relieved she was at least safer in jail.
He pleaded guilty. As his mother I felt proud that he took responsibility and accepted the consequences.
READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE.
