This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger
“Being There: Supporting Your Loved One THROUGH RELEASE”
When your loved one is nearing the time for release, supporting him or her takes a shift. While you may still support your family member or friend in the day-to-day living in prison, you will also need to help prepare the person for rejoining society. As your friend or family member gets closer to release, things may get harder since he or she may be feeling anxious or frustrated. You may want to make a list with him or her of any worries and fears about leaving prison, whether the person is “coming home” or moving into a new place. If your loved one is moving back in with you, talk about each of your expectations – long before the release.
At least six months prior to your loved one’s release, you want the person start creating a plan. He or she will need to find work and a place to live – located within the limits designated by parole.
Finding a place to worship can be a source of support as well. If there is a program that will provide a sponsor for your loved one, that can be a great help in the process of transitioning back into society. If your family member or friend wants to go back to school, help him or her get registered for classes even before the release. Set a timeline for yourself and your loved one to make sure you have everything in place before the release. If your loved one is incarcerated out of state, you may need to get the parole transferred if he or she wants to move back with or near you.
If the person is a sex offender, the parolee will have more restrictions regarding distance from schools, parks, playgrounds or other places where children are present. The person will have to sign up on the sex offender registry. This is a public registry and can be easily found on the Internet. Anyone can locate the place of residence of a sex offender until his or her name is removed from the registry.
Talk to the parole officer ahead of time (be patient, but persistent) to find out what will be expected, as well as what you may need to do to assist your paroled loved one. If the parolee is a minor, you will have a special responsibility to support your child after release. But either way, there are rules and regulations for your loved one as well as for you as a support person.
For example, you will need to report anything that looks like suspicious activity to the authorities. Expectations may be different from one parole officer to another, so find out ahead of time everything you can. Your loved one must to be willing to work with you in the planning process to make sure the transition goes as smoothly as possible. You may face many roadblocks along the way, so you will need to be determined and stay positive as you help find housing, work, schooling, etc. While you are doing what you can for your loved one, you also need to make sure you do not do too much to manage the person’s life. He or she must become adjusted to being a responsible citizen.
If you are concerned about your loved one’s release because the person may be a danger to himself or herself or others because of mental illness or another such concern, work with the state to arrange a hearing so the person can be released to a transitional facility or to a state hospital. That institution will then evaluate him or her every ninety days.
As you support your loved one, take care of yourself too. Your loved one’s transition will be your transition also if the person is moving back into your home with you. You may have concerns about how his or her being home again will affect your other relationships, or about how your life is changing from the visiting and time away, to now having an ex-offender back in your home. It will take a lot of adjustment and patience.
From Those Who Know…
Stay connected! Write often! Don’t send sympathy cards and letters. Send stuff that will make them laugh and smile.
Write to your loved one right away, let them know you are still there for them.
I can’t help feeling disgusted with him, but I know it’s his mental illness.
Answer their phone calls – be at home when they call because they don’t get to call that often and they call collect – accept the call.
Remember that no matter what they tell you, they are in as much or more anguish as you are.
Stand behind them 100% because their freedom is taken away from them for the time they’re sitting in jail.
Every case will be different but you are the one who is trying to get your loved one home and you might as well face it, you won’t get help from the state.
READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE. NOW ON SALE $10.
