Keeping Hope – An Excerpt – “Breaking the Silence”

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This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated.
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

Visiting a prisoner

“Breaking the Silence: Telling Others?”

Other people’s reactions may be difficult to deal with because of the stigma that often goes with having a loved one in prison. You may choose not to tell anyone for a long time, or at all. Maybe you will only tell family or a few close friends. If your loved one’s crime makes the news, you may feel the whole world knows.

Some of your family and friends may be supportive. They may ask about your loved one and ask how they can help. You may find that others do not know what to say. Some will remove themselves from you or your loved one’s life.

Because there is such a stigma around having a loved one in prison, oftentimes family members are reluctant to tell others about it. People often feel shame, guilt, depression, and embarrassment. For these reasons, family members do not always get the support they need in their time of crisis. Telling others can be beneficial in that it allows the family member an outlet for their feelings and experiences and it can help others know how to be supportive.

It is often easier to start by telling those you feel you can trust, those you know are of good character and you believe will be supportive. You can be selective in which people you tell. Even if your loved one’s crime and incarceration have made the news, you can choose with whom you want to share your feelings. Find people who make you feel secure and accepted. Only share as much as seems safe at first. As your trust with someone grows, the more you may feel free to share. Be aware, however, that sometimes close friends are not always the ones who support you most. Sometimes those you do not expect to be as supportive are the ones who stay by your side through your experience.Sad Family

 

From Those Who Know…

We pulled together as a family. Our brothers and sisters in Christ supported us. I could not have made it through it without them.

The first couple of years I wanted people to keep in touch and keep him on their mind, over time I let that go and have settled for doing what I want as far as keeping in touch and visiting. I no longer push my expectations on anyone.

Family members felt shame, especially when it is in the papers and news.

His father has had nothing to do with him since he was incarcerated; his brother and his sister won’t see him either.

Family was devastated, could not stop crying. Friends removed themselves slowly from the situation.

It’s like the family of the perpetrator doesn’t count.

Family was half and half. Some supported me and others will never have anything to do with my husband. They don’t even want me to mention his name. Friends – close friends were great. Others will not have anything to do with me.

We don’t talk to anyone other than our parents anymore.

 

Lenten Reflections Blog series

READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE.

Keeping Hope

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Keeping Hope – An Excerpt – “Facing Your Own Sentence”

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This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated.
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

Feeling Sad

“Facing Your Own Sentence: Where do you begin?”

I felt shock and disbelief. Then confusion, then fury, then sadness.

When you first found out that your loved one was going to jail or prison, it may have been totally unexpected. The offense may have been out of character for him or her. It may have been a crime of passion, a moment of weakness. You may have expected throughout the hearing and trial proceedings that your loved one would be acquitted. Then the unthinkable happened and your loved one was sentenced to incarceration.

For others of you, incarceration wasn’t as much of a surprise. Whether your loved one has had a history of offenses and brushes with the law, his or her temper has caused other problems, or mental illness, drug abuse or other issues are at play, you may have “seen it coming.” Maybe your loved one took a plea bargain, and prison time was inevitable.

However it hit you, by surprise or presumed, your emotions may run the gamut. You may feel shocked, angered, disgusted. You may feel guilt of your own, whether real or imagined. You may feel like your world is ending. You may also feel relief. You may be grateful that at least your loved one will no longer be able to hurt others or him or herself.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling without judgment. No emotion is right or wrong. It is your honest response to the situation before you.

 

Reflections From Those Who Know…

I was in shock they took him at court that day. I thought my world ended and that I would never be able to laugh again.

At first I thought, “It is such a long time. How are we going to get through it?” But I had to be strong for my husband and I now realized he was being strong for me.

Our life is over as we know it.

Never in a million years did I think that my son was capable of murder.

I was fearful and sad – fearful for his future, sad for him and our family.

What did we do wrong as parents? We felt responsible for our son’s actions.

Thank God! Drugs would have killed him.

I was sick! It is so very hard to want to save your child because you know he is good – and they only see the mistake.

I was relieved because I knew she wouldn’t be able to do drugs while there and hopefully it would serve as a wake-up call.

I was concerned about violence in jail.

He should’ve been on medication.visiting an inmate

I felt forsaken at first, was even mad at God. It took weeks of prayer and Word before I came out of it.

For a parent, to have your child in there, it is a tremendous sadness. You can’t see them. You don’t get to talk to them.

Disbelief. Denial. Hopelessness. Numbness. Overall shock. When these feelings subsided, I reacted positively and helped prepare him in every way I could. (i.e. speaking to legal counsel, helping family cope, taking him to support groups prior to incarceration.)

I didn’t want her to be a danger to others or herself, so I was relieved she was at least safer in jail.

He pleaded guilty. As his mother I felt proud that he took responsibility and accepted the consequences.

Lenten Reflections Blog series

 

 

READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE.

Keeping Hope

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Keeping Hope – An Excerpt – “Outmates”

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This is the first blog in our 2024 Lenten Blog Series.

This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated.
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

Hand holding for support

“Outmates”

Your loved one may have gone to trial, or may have taken a plea bargain. His or her arrest may have been quiet, or may have made the headlines. The general public may know of your situation, or maybe you have told no one.

However your situation unfolded, the fact is that when a loved one is sentenced to prison, the family faces a sentence of their own. Sometimes called “outmates” because of their own experience with the correctional system and their loved one’s incarceration, families face unique challenges from the time of the arrest until long after the loved one is released.

When you first experience the incarceration, you may not know where to turn. Because of the stigma associated with the situation, you may not want anyone else to know. So how do you find the support and direction you need at a time like this?

For those of you less personally connected, such as a pastor, teacher, prison ministry volunteer, or other concerned person, the book can be a resource. It can give you an understanding of the plight of families of the incarcerated. It shares first-hand knowledge of the emotional strain and physical consequences of having a loved one in prison. It can offer ideas for how to support those in your care.

Remember that yes, there will be challenges, but there can also be healing and hope.

Please continue to follow us this Lenten season as we be share varying excerpts from those who have experienced the heartache of incarceration.

May God bless you.

Lenten Reflections Blog series

 

Keeping Hope

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Pope Francis has been a powerful advocate for prisoners and a strong voice for justice

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Today, Pope Francis traveled to a prison near Rome to wash the feet of a dozen inmates, a Holy Thursday ritual that symbolizes humility and highlights his papacy’s attention to those on society’s margins.

Pope Francis has made it a tradition since the beginning of his papacy to celebrate the Mass and foot-washing ritual on Holy Thursday at a prison or detention center, refugee center or rehabilitation facility.  He has washed the feet of prisoners every year since 2012 (except for 2020 and 2021, due to the pandemic).

Pope Francis kisses the foot of an inmate after washing it during the Holy Thursday Mass of the Lord’s Supper at a prison in Civitavecchia, Italy, April 14, 2022.

Pope Francis has spoken frequently and passionately about prisoners and the need to uphold their human dignity. He has condemned the harsh and inhumane treatment that prisoners often face, and he has called for a more compassionate and restorative approach to criminal justice.

In a speech to prison officials in 2015, Pope Francis stressed the importance of recognizing the inherent dignity of every person, including those who have committed crimes. He urged prison officials to see their work as a mission of hope, helping prisoners to rediscover their worth and their potential for good. He also spoke out against the use of torture and solitary confinement, calling them forms of psychological torture that violate human dignity.

In another speech to prisoners and their families in 2019, Pope Francis highlighted the need for society to support and care for those who have been incarcerated. He acknowledged the difficulties that many prisoners face in rejoining society after their release, and he called for greater efforts to provide education, job training, and other forms of support that can help them to rebuild their lives. He also spoke out against the stigma and discrimination that former prisoners often face, calling on society to welcome them back and support their efforts to reintegrate.

Pope Francis has also emphasized the importance of restorative justice, which focuses on repairing the harm caused by criminal behavior and promoting healing and reconciliation for all involved. He has called for a shift away from punitive approaches to criminal justice, which can perpetuate cycles of violence and harm, and toward approaches that emphasize healing and transformation. He has spoken out against the death penalty, calling it a violation of the dignity of human life, and he has called for greater efforts to address the root causes of crime, such as poverty, inequality, and social exclusion.

Pope Francis has been a powerful advocate for prisoners and a voice for justice and compassion in the criminal justice system. His message of hope and solidarity offers a powerful reminder that even those who have committed serious crimes are still beloved children of God, worthy of dignity, respect, and a second chance.

You can find the Pope’s schedule for Holy Week here http://theleaven.org/vatican-releases-popes-holy-week-easter-schedule/

 

References:

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/40510/treat-inmates-with-compassion-pope-francis-urges-prison-staff

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2015/09/24/pope-francis-tells-congress-the-death-penalty-should-be-abolished/

https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2019/september/documents/papa-francesco_20190914_polizia-penitenziaria.html

https://abc30.com/pope-francis-prisoners-curran-fromhold-correctional-facility-philadelphia/1004577/

 

 

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Introducing Delisa Person, Dismas Ministry Mission Coordinator

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Delisa Person, Mission Coordinator

For this blog post we would like to introduce you to our Mission Coordinator and the newest member of the Dismas Ministry team, Delisa Person. She started working with Dismas Ministry as our Student Ambassador in June of 2022. Once she graduated from Cardinal Stritch University in December, she agreed to join our team – and we couldn’t be happier!

“Since joining the Dismas Ministry team, Delisa has made many positive contributions to our organization. Delisa is learning how a small nonprofit runs, and developing new skills along the way. Most important, Delisa understands our mission, and she takes great care of both the prisoners and chaplains, as well as our donors. We are blessed to have her on the team,” said Tyler Curtis, Dismas Ministry Executive Director.

We asked Delisa a few questions about her experience working with Dismas Ministry and we wanted to share her thoughtful responses so you can get to know her a little better.

Q: What has been your experience with the organization’s culture?

Delisa:

I’ve been working with Dismas Ministry for the past ten months. I can say that the cultural transition from my previous position as a student and intern to my current one as the mission coordinator has been rewarding yet challenging. The duties I’ve taken on in my new position have given me the opportunity to develop stronger relationships with the other members of the team and the clients we support, including chaplains, volunteers for prison ministry, prisoners, etc. My adaptation from student worker to employee has been considerably simpler than I anticipated. It’s been helpful to build relationships with experts who have been doing this work for a while and is crucial to my development and learning, especially in the non-profit community.

Q: What parts of our mission do you connect with?

Delisa Person working in the Hope Workroom

Delisa:

I identify with the goal of offering hope and faith to those we serve, particularly prisoners. Faith is the assurance that if one acts now, the blessings that will result from hope will be realized in the future. Hope is to trust in God’s promises of exaltation. Both hope and faith are essential for exaltation and are connected. According to my personal ideas, hope reshapes the possible and creates pathways to the unbelievable. Through our work, we give prisoners resources to regain their faith in God. By doing this, we instill a sense of hope in those who belong to a vulnerable demographic.

Q: What is one of your work goals for the next few months or for 2023?

Delisa:

One of my professional objectives, since changing roles, is to help improve efficiencies within the organization. Our day-to-day team is comprised of two staff members, while consultants and volunteers work onsite several times each month. The majority of my daily activities have involved clearing out files and performing duties that enable our small operations to run more smoothly. After this is finished, we can concentrate on other areas that need attention.

Q: What is one thing that you wish people knew about your job?

Delisa:

When you are unfamiliar with someone’s situation, it is easy to make snap judgments about them. Regardless of the reason for their incarceration, I don’t judge people based on the faults they have made in the past. I try to offer those inmates hope. I am confident that if they are contacting Dismas Ministry it is because they are motivated to better themselves and/or make amends with God for their transgressions. A lot of social service field jobs can be overwhelming and mentally challenging. You will catch yourself sympathizing with people you never even met.

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