This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

“Being There: Supporting Your Loved One THROUGH RELEASE”

When your loved one is nearing the time for release, supporting him or her takes a shift. While you may still support your family member or friend in the day-to-day living in prison, you will also need to help prepare the person for rejoining society. As your friend or family member gets closer to release, things may get harder since he or she may be feeling anxious or frustrated. You may want to make a list with him or her of any worries and fears about leaving prison, whether the person is “coming home” or moving into a new place. If your loved one is moving back in with you, talk about each of your expectations – long before the release.

At least six months prior to your loved one’s release, you want the person start creating a plan. He or she will need to find work and a place to live – located within the limits designated by parole.

Finding a place to worship can be a source of support as well. If there is a program that will provide a sponsor for your loved one, that can be a great help in the process of transitioning back into society. If your family member or friend wants to go back to school, help him or her get registered for classes even before the release. Set a timeline for yourself and your loved one to make sure you have everything in place before the release. If your loved one is incarcerated out of state, you may need to get the parole transferred if he or she wants to move back with or near you.

If the person is a sex offender, the parolee will have more restrictions regarding distance from schools, parks, playgrounds or other places where children are present. The person will have to sign up on the sex offender registry. This is a public registry and can be easily found on the Internet. Anyone can locate the place of residence of a sex offender until his or her name is removed from the registry.

Talk to the parole officer ahead of time (be patient, but persistent) to find out what will be expected, as well as what you may need to do to assist your paroled loved one. If the parolee is a minor, you will have a special responsibility to support your child after release. But either way, there are rules and regulations for your loved one as well as for you as a support person.

For example, you will need to report anything that looks like suspicious activity to the authorities. Expectations may be different from one parole officer to another, so find out ahead of time everything you can. Your loved one must to be willing to work with you in the planning process to make sure the transition goes as smoothly as possible. You may face many roadblocks along the way, so you will need to be determined and stay positive as you help find housing, work, schooling, etc. While you are doing what you can for your loved one, you also need to make sure you do not do too much to manage the person’s life. He or she must become adjusted to being a responsible citizen.

If you are concerned about your loved one’s release because the person may be a danger to himself or herself or others because of mental illness or another such concern, work with the state to arrange a hearing so the person can be released to a transitional facility or to a state hospital. That institution will then evaluate him or her every ninety days.

As you support your loved one, take care of yourself too. Your loved one’s transition will be your transition also if the person is moving back into your home with you. You may have concerns about how his or her being home again will affect your other relationships, or about how your life is changing from the visiting and time away, to now having an ex-offender back in your home. It will take a lot of adjustment and patience.

 

From Those Who Know…

Stay connected! Write often! Don’t send sympathy cards and letters. Send stuff that will make them laugh and smile.

Write to your loved one right away, let them know you are still there for them.

I can’t help feeling disgusted with him, but I know it’s his mental illness.

Answer their phone calls – be at home when they call because they don’t get to call that often and they call collect – accept the call.

Remember that no matter what they tell you, they are in as much or more anguish as you are.

Stand behind them 100% because their freedom is taken away from them for the time they’re sitting in jail.

Every case will be different but you are the one who is trying to get your loved one home and you might as well face it, you won’t get help from the state.

 

READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE. NOW ON SALE $10.

 

 

This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

“Being There: Supporting Your Loved One”

Don’t ever give up on them. Hate the sin but not the sinner.

One of the key ingredients in successful rehabilitation for inmates is family involvement. As the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation asserts, “Programs already in place in our state…show an enormous rehabilitative benefit from family interaction.” (Reform and Inform Newsletter, 2007) Furthermore, former Wisconsin DOC Secretary Gary Hamblin stated that “helping inmates maintain contact with their families while they are incarcerated also has an impact on recidivism and decreases their chances of re-incarceration.” (walker.wi.gov/press-release/governor-walker-miss-america-2012-announce-read-lead-book-bridge-program).

When your loved one goes to prison, you must make the decision if you are going to be committed to supporting him or her or not. Once you have decided to support the person, truly commit. Don’t be lukewarm. The more you can show healthy support, the better off he or she will be both during and after incarceration. Do not give up on him or her, especially if this is a first-time offense. Look past what happened and remember the person you love.

For some, the commitment to support your loved one may not happen right away. It may take a sincere letter from him or her as an indication of real change, an effort on the part of the prisoner, or just finding a common ground as you rebuild your relationship. But even if the reconnection comes near the end of the sentence, it is not too late. Doing what you can to support the person at any point of the incarceration can make a difference.

Because your loved one doesn’t truly know what is going on in your life, he or she has to completely trust you and the information you give. Do what you can to build that trust. Be consistent with writing, visiting, talking on the phone. Be encouraging. Make sure the inmate’s name is called often when the mail is handed out in the facility. Send something extra around the holidays. Send pictures, anything with color, things that are allowed but not seen in a prison. Demonstrate your support and that you haven’t forgotten about your relationship. Keep the communication open and flowing.

Helping support your loved one’s faith-life is another important aspect of his or her rehabilitation. Pray together when you can, do bible studies together, and share your faith experiences – all one’s spiritual life. This can help you, too. Both of you growing in faith together not only helps you bond, but helps both of you cope and develop in healthy ways.

Supporting your family member or friend involves both emotional and financial support. People who don’t have anyone to help financially are more isolated. They have no money for personal things that can be purchased in the commissary. So if you can, make sure there is money in the prisoner’s account for the phone and the commissary. Often, there are easy online methods for putting money into your loved one’s account. For example, in Texas there is e-CommDirect (tdcj-ecommdirect.portal.texas.gov/). This service allows you to make online purchases from the commissary which will be delivered to your loved one, or put money directly into your loved one’s account online. Similar to this is JPay (www.jpay.com). Available in more than 30 states, JPay allows you to not only send money to your loved one’s account, but also emails and music. Other services are video visits if the facility participates in this option.

Educate yourself on any conditions your loved one may have, whether they are mental or physical illness, or an addiction. The more you understand, the more you can support him or her and the more you can advocate if needed. You may also need to educate yourself on legal issues, especially if your loved one plans to make an appeal. While there is some legal help available inside the prisons, you may be the best advocate in your family member or friend’s case.

Advocating for Your Loved One
Advocating for a prisoner can take various approaches. It depends on each person. One way is simply being the person’s advocate within your family. You may need to speak up for him or her with members of the family who are not so supportive. You may not get them to start writing or visiting, but just helping family members understand the situation better can promote an attitude of reconciliation or at least tolerance.

Advocating within the system may present more formal involvement. At the time of sentencing, you may be able to give input as to what you think your loved one needs as part of his or her program (i.e. drug treatment, anger management, etc.) Some states have councils made up of inmate families to help resolve issues during incarceration, such as the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation and Correction (ODRC) Family Council.

Otherwise, you may simply have to be willing to take a stand on your own. For example, your advocacy may revolve around a condition your loved one has. If you are not happy with the medical care the prisoner receives, you may need to speak up on his or her behalf. There is a usually a process set up in the system – either at the correctional facility or at the state Department of Corrections level — to make a complaint, but if you are not getting the response you need, you may need to contact the ombudsman or other appropriate person in the system. If your loved one has mental illness, you may have to advocate for the person just to get needed treatment, whether it is counseling or medication. Keep asking “who else might help with this?” until you reach the right person.

If you need to advocate for your loved one on a legal level, i.e. making an appeal, you may feel out of your league. But there are options for getting legal help. Often the prison has a legal expert who can give advice. You can also do your own research. Some organizations, such as The Innocence Network, will provide free assistance in certain types of cases. More generally, there is some form of a Legal Aid Society ready to provide help.

 

READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE.