Keeping Hope – An Excerpt – “Facing Your Own Sentence”

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This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated.
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

Feeling Sad

“Facing Your Own Sentence: Where do you begin?”

I felt shock and disbelief. Then confusion, then fury, then sadness.

When you first found out that your loved one was going to jail or prison, it may have been totally unexpected. The offense may have been out of character for him or her. It may have been a crime of passion, a moment of weakness. You may have expected throughout the hearing and trial proceedings that your loved one would be acquitted. Then the unthinkable happened and your loved one was sentenced to incarceration.

For others of you, incarceration wasn’t as much of a surprise. Whether your loved one has had a history of offenses and brushes with the law, his or her temper has caused other problems, or mental illness, drug abuse or other issues are at play, you may have “seen it coming.” Maybe your loved one took a plea bargain, and prison time was inevitable.

However it hit you, by surprise or presumed, your emotions may run the gamut. You may feel shocked, angered, disgusted. You may feel guilt of your own, whether real or imagined. You may feel like your world is ending. You may also feel relief. You may be grateful that at least your loved one will no longer be able to hurt others or him or herself.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling without judgment. No emotion is right or wrong. It is your honest response to the situation before you.

 

Reflections From Those Who Know…

I was in shock they took him at court that day. I thought my world ended and that I would never be able to laugh again.

At first I thought, “It is such a long time. How are we going to get through it?” But I had to be strong for my husband and I now realized he was being strong for me.

Our life is over as we know it.

Never in a million years did I think that my son was capable of murder.

I was fearful and sad – fearful for his future, sad for him and our family.

What did we do wrong as parents? We felt responsible for our son’s actions.

Thank God! Drugs would have killed him.

I was sick! It is so very hard to want to save your child because you know he is good – and they only see the mistake.

I was relieved because I knew she wouldn’t be able to do drugs while there and hopefully it would serve as a wake-up call.

I was concerned about violence in jail.

He should’ve been on medication.visiting an inmate

I felt forsaken at first, was even mad at God. It took weeks of prayer and Word before I came out of it.

For a parent, to have your child in there, it is a tremendous sadness. You can’t see them. You don’t get to talk to them.

Disbelief. Denial. Hopelessness. Numbness. Overall shock. When these feelings subsided, I reacted positively and helped prepare him in every way I could. (i.e. speaking to legal counsel, helping family cope, taking him to support groups prior to incarceration.)

I didn’t want her to be a danger to others or herself, so I was relieved she was at least safer in jail.

He pleaded guilty. As his mother I felt proud that he took responsibility and accepted the consequences.

Lenten Reflections Blog series

 

 

READ MORE FROM KEEPING HOPE BY PURCHASING YOUR COPY ON OUR STORE PAGE.

Keeping Hope

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Keeping Hope – An Excerpt – “Outmates”

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This is the first blog in our 2024 Lenten Blog Series.

This Lent, we are going to share with you excerpts from Keeping Hope: A Resource for Families and Friends of the Incarcerated.
Written by Karen Henning Heuberger and Ron Zeilinger

Hand holding for support

“Outmates”

Your loved one may have gone to trial, or may have taken a plea bargain. His or her arrest may have been quiet, or may have made the headlines. The general public may know of your situation, or maybe you have told no one.

However your situation unfolded, the fact is that when a loved one is sentenced to prison, the family faces a sentence of their own. Sometimes called “outmates” because of their own experience with the correctional system and their loved one’s incarceration, families face unique challenges from the time of the arrest until long after the loved one is released.

When you first experience the incarceration, you may not know where to turn. Because of the stigma associated with the situation, you may not want anyone else to know. So how do you find the support and direction you need at a time like this?

For those of you less personally connected, such as a pastor, teacher, prison ministry volunteer, or other concerned person, the book can be a resource. It can give you an understanding of the plight of families of the incarcerated. It shares first-hand knowledge of the emotional strain and physical consequences of having a loved one in prison. It can offer ideas for how to support those in your care.

Remember that yes, there will be challenges, but there can also be healing and hope.

Please continue to follow us this Lenten season as we be share varying excerpts from those who have experienced the heartache of incarceration.

May God bless you.

Lenten Reflections Blog series

 

Keeping Hope

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Pope Francis has been a powerful advocate for prisoners and a strong voice for justice

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Today, Pope Francis traveled to a prison near Rome to wash the feet of a dozen inmates, a Holy Thursday ritual that symbolizes humility and highlights his papacy’s attention to those on society’s margins.

Pope Francis has made it a tradition since the beginning of his papacy to celebrate the Mass and foot-washing ritual on Holy Thursday at a prison or detention center, refugee center or rehabilitation facility.  He has washed the feet of prisoners every year since 2012 (except for 2020 and 2021, due to the pandemic).

Pope Francis kisses the foot of an inmate after washing it during the Holy Thursday Mass of the Lord’s Supper at a prison in Civitavecchia, Italy, April 14, 2022.

Pope Francis has spoken frequently and passionately about prisoners and the need to uphold their human dignity. He has condemned the harsh and inhumane treatment that prisoners often face, and he has called for a more compassionate and restorative approach to criminal justice.

In a speech to prison officials in 2015, Pope Francis stressed the importance of recognizing the inherent dignity of every person, including those who have committed crimes. He urged prison officials to see their work as a mission of hope, helping prisoners to rediscover their worth and their potential for good. He also spoke out against the use of torture and solitary confinement, calling them forms of psychological torture that violate human dignity.

In another speech to prisoners and their families in 2019, Pope Francis highlighted the need for society to support and care for those who have been incarcerated. He acknowledged the difficulties that many prisoners face in rejoining society after their release, and he called for greater efforts to provide education, job training, and other forms of support that can help them to rebuild their lives. He also spoke out against the stigma and discrimination that former prisoners often face, calling on society to welcome them back and support their efforts to reintegrate.

Pope Francis has also emphasized the importance of restorative justice, which focuses on repairing the harm caused by criminal behavior and promoting healing and reconciliation for all involved. He has called for a shift away from punitive approaches to criminal justice, which can perpetuate cycles of violence and harm, and toward approaches that emphasize healing and transformation. He has spoken out against the death penalty, calling it a violation of the dignity of human life, and he has called for greater efforts to address the root causes of crime, such as poverty, inequality, and social exclusion.

Pope Francis has been a powerful advocate for prisoners and a voice for justice and compassion in the criminal justice system. His message of hope and solidarity offers a powerful reminder that even those who have committed serious crimes are still beloved children of God, worthy of dignity, respect, and a second chance.

You can find the Pope’s schedule for Holy Week here http://theleaven.org/vatican-releases-popes-holy-week-easter-schedule/

 

References:

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/40510/treat-inmates-with-compassion-pope-francis-urges-prison-staff

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2015/09/24/pope-francis-tells-congress-the-death-penalty-should-be-abolished/

https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2019/september/documents/papa-francesco_20190914_polizia-penitenziaria.html

https://abc30.com/pope-francis-prisoners-curran-fromhold-correctional-facility-philadelphia/1004577/

 

 

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